+ insight +

Hello all,
So the world of the blogging shines again!
I am not that busy; I am just being lazy. I don't feel like blogging for the past week, not until today that is. Well, it is only appropriate for me to update and give some insight on what's been going on in my head since I am here. :p

Work is okay. As matter of fact, it is kind of boring. When it is not challenging enough, it come across as boring to me. It is not mentally challenging nor it is physically challenging. So, I bore myself to death and everytime I thought of going to work, I felt somehow damned. It is weird how my mind work sometimes. I don't understand it myself. However, I am enjoying the 5 days a week job, not working on Saturdays and Sunday. Boleh goyang kaki seh! :D But, when it comes to the conclusion, I just know I won't be working there for long. Call it an instinct but I just knew it.

Family. Pftt. What to say, my parents has been acting a bit odd nowadays. Then again, when were they weren't right? I hasn't seen Renz Lyle in about 2 weeks. Am extremely missing the little one. Miss you much lil sis. Talked to Renz 1 couple of days back. She seemed okay. But then again, when it comes to her, she always tried to put the best tough face ever. Despite anything. It is not an easy hing to deal you know - to loose your child. Born or unborn, the love is there. It would be hard to deal with. I know that. No matter how okay she seemed, how great she seemed at handling this, deep down inside I know she is extremely upset. And I am frustrated to say there is nothing I can do to make her feel better. Words mean nothing at time like this; especially with her. I can say I know what she is dealing with, how she felt; but then I will be wrong. No one knows, I wouldn't know. I am not in her shoes so how the hell could I know what she is experiencing. All I can hope now is she continue being strong (which I know she is) and hopefully one day she'll got over it. I really really hope so.

Relationship. Heh. When they told me that relationships are hard, I always laughed at thier faces. What's so hard about it right? When 2 peoples love each other, everything will be just pretty and dandy. So, I thought. I am not going to lie to you today and tell you I was right. No, no sir and ma'ams, I was wrong. Relatonship is hard; not as hard as some describe it, but it does requires works. But you know what? I like it. To be totally honest I loveit. Like I said before, when something is challenging, I tend to try my best to make it work, thus I love it! You know why? Because I knew, if I tried my hardest, my best, It had to mean something. It means that the thing I am trying to do, trying to mend, tryng to fix, trying to work on; means something to me. If not, in this case, it means a lot to me. I am telling you that that all that matters to me, that it means EVERYTHING to me. So, I like dealing and making something out of the feelings, the arguing, the madness that we are facing. All the courage and determination will mean nothing without purposes or goals. My goal is you; to make you happy; making us happy. You understand what I mean? Well, maybe not but that's just how I felt. Because I know, at the end of the day, it is about making the other person happy. Cause, when he is happy, I am too. It seemed complex at that time, it hurts sometimes and it is undeniably complicated, but when everything had been said and done; looking at his smile at the end of the day before we say goodbye; that is all that I asked for. Cause I know the relationship is worth working on. Cause I know I will be left happy at the end of it all. I hope he feel the same way as I do. i am 99% sure he does. Don't you Mr? :) And you know what? I choose his life, I choose to spend the rest of my life with you; so it is my decision to make. So, please don't ask me if I had make the right decision or not cause I KNOW THIS IS WHAT I WANT. I have not been sure bout anything in my life as much as I am sure about this. So, please please please stop asking me silly questions like that cause it hurts and everytime you issue that question I somehow has the feeling as if you don't want me anymore.

Well, what else? Urm, Adam Lambert anyone? Is he great or is he great? Lol...
He is the most awesome contestant ever! I love him! Then again, who isn't right? Damn him and that awesome voice of his and that sexy moves to kill. He owned me. I swear! :)

I think I will stop before I rambles on and on non-stop. This has been great but I need to go clean my room for a bit.

Until next time,
I love you even though you hate me.
Missing that certain someone.

x deez x

p/s: keep on smiling
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